…No matter how well traveled, sophisticated, self-actualized, accomplished, sit-on-a-mountaintop spiritually enlightened you’ve become, a passive aggressive “What a bitch” muttered under your breath after poor customer service makes everything better.
My Nonsensical Thought of the Day
When Stop & Shop went on strike
Every few years, consumers are struck by the newest craze where demand exceeds supply, resulting in apocalyptic, pre-hurricanesque hysteria. In the ‘80s, the Cabbage Patch Kids ignited mayhem, and adults stampeded toy stores across the country like herds of cattle. In 1996, it was Tickle Me Elmo, whose limited supply incited violence in the aisles of Toys “R” Us, and sellers were pricing them at $1,500 apiece. With each debut of a Harry Potter book, mobs of enthusiasts pounded on bookstore doors hours before they opened.
Ten minutes ago, I pried the last container of 50/50 salad mix from an old woman’s hands in the produce aisle of Big Y.
New England shoppers within three miles of their local Stop & Shop…Godspeed.
Real-world math
As I celebrated in my classroom with parent-teacher conferences until 8 p.m., here were my thoughts about 45…
Round it to the nearest ten, and I’m half a century.
(The devastation sets in.)
…But wait!
Round it to the nearest hundred, and I’m a newborn baby.
Who says we can’t actually use this stuff in real life?
It’s perfectly normal.
Last night Tyler had his longtime friend, Shane, sleep over. Shane brought over a cherished stuffed dog, “Queso,” named after the favorite part of his last Mexican meal. It came from The Perfect Toy, he explained, sold separately from a set which included a mother dog and her litter of six puppies.
“I think there might be one pup left, if Tyler wants it,” Shane beamed. “I really wanted the mother dog, and now she’s mine!”
I looked at Queso, with her soft, bean-filled belly and floppy, brown ears, and for a fleeting moment, I was sad for this inanimate object because she was separated from her puppies, never to see them again.
Truth be told, the moment wasn’t fleeting. I’m still sad.