“Consider changing your password,” my laptop advises. “Your password expires in 13 days.”

Oh, Laptop. It’s so cute how you think I’m actually on top of these things.

Of all my God-given rights, the one I exercise most frequently is running errands without combing my hair or putting on makeup. Before each occasion, I throw on a scrunchie, grab my grocery bags and keep my eye on the prize: completing my shopping free from familiar faces, conversation and eye contact.

I don’t believe I’m the only one. Retailers have answered our quest to end human interaction with the self-service checkout. While my more socially-conscious friends will remind me that robot cashiers take away jobs from humans, I welcome them.

I have but one complaint.

Big Y, either lose the video camera with my zoomed-in face on the screen, or dim the fluorescent lights. It’s your choice.

They say the holidays, joyous as they can be, are a leading cause of fights between loved ones. The Atlantic reports that ¾ of us have at least one family member we’d like to drown in a bowl of eggnog. Family members bicker over everything from money and travel stress, too much togetherness, in-law issues, gifts, and cranky kids.

I’m thinking about getting this ball rolling by showing up for my mom’s Christmas Eve shindig in white pants.

On second thought, I’ve never been a fan of eggnog.