In honor of Doug’s birthday today, I asked the kids to help us pick out a restaurant.
“Let’s go to McDonald’s,” Tyler suggested. “We can push Daddy down the slide!”
“Do they sell food at the toy store?” asked Anna.
“Let’s go to Grandma and Grandpa’s house!” Eva exclaimed. “We can ask THEM for dinner!”
Mom, tell Dad to put on his apron. We’ll be there in half an hour.
That awkward moment that you promise your vote to a contestant in this year’s Ugly Christmas Sweater Contest—only to discover she’s not a contestant.
Today’s spectacular Thanksgiving feast culminated with the most ghastly sight: the crunchy graham-cracker crust of a pumpkin cheesecake left lonely and discarded on the counter.
“What is this?” I demanded. “What kind of Nazi eats the middle of a cheesecake and leaves the crust behind?!?”
My sister Chelsea stepped forward. “I did it,” she confessed. “I saved it for Justin, because that’s his favorite part. As for me, I mostly like the cheese.”
A belated shout-out goes out to my newly engaged sister and my future brother-in-law, whose marriage is totally going to work out.
Upon purchasing a bed at Sleepy’s today, the sales rep handed me a waiver.
“What’s this for?” I asked.
“I like to call it the McDonald’s coffee clause,” he said.
I recalled the 1994 lawsuit, where a 79-year-old woman from New Mexico was awarded $2.86 million from the McDonald’s Corporation for spilling a cup of hot coffee in her lap. But I still didn’t get the reference.
The Sleepy’s sales rep guy sensed my confusion.
“If you fall out of bed, it’s so not our fault,” he explained.
As for my get rich quick scheme…FOILED AGAIN.
At least he threw in a free mattress protector.