Doug has become a luthier of sorts. In the background are two Eddie Van Halen replicas he built and painted himself. When painting guitars, fishnet stockings are used to create a snakeskin effect.

Here is a scene a woman never predicts: her husband rifling through the women’s lingerie section at Walmart, grumbling, “Freakin’ fishnets are five bucks a pack!”

Today I was edged off an urgent phone call just to be reminded that bird is, in fact, the word. I am declaring a moratorium on “Family Guy” in this house.