#10:  They will sit in front of a black TV screen and stare at for as long as you let them.

#9:  While sitting in a candlelit room they will continually repeat, “Will you turn the lights on?  I can’t see!” Each time they will expect a different answer.

#8:  They will assume every nonfunctioning appliance in the house needs a new battery. They will take a screwdriver to the refrigerator, TV and dishwasher.

#7:  They will accept the power outage as an excuse for everything.  “No, we can’t go out and make a snowman.  The power’s off.”

#6:  They take out their frustrations on whatever game board you put in front of them.  Best to let them climb up the chutes.  Do not—repeat—do NOT make them skip a turn when they land on the Licorice Man.

#5:  When you dust off the radio and plug it in, they will stare at it like it’s a color TV in 1950.

#4:  When outdoor play becomes inevitable, the urge to pee will come only after the snow pants, boots, coat, hat and mittens are secure.

#3:  They refuse to understand or accept why you can’t pull them up a hill as fast as they can go down.

#2:  They believe a new era will begin once the power goes back on.  “When we have power, will I be in the first grade?”

#1:  What YOU hear coming out of your mouth:  “It doesn’t matter if you have the blue or green goddamn cup!  Just be glad there’s water in it!  There’s people in this state who wish they had that much!”  What THEY hear coming out of your mouth:  “I’m sorry, I can’t seem to locate your green Diego cup with the built-in curly straw, but I’ll continue to look for it!”

Most of us 30-somethingers are dreading turning 40, but as for me, I welcome it. By then, if all goes as planned, all diapers will magically go away, and I will stop hearing myself having the same old conversations. Below are the top 10 things I hope to never hear myself say after 40:

#10:  Eva, why are you running around the house naked?
#9:   I understand the dog has six boobies. Leave them all alone!
#8:   Hey! Stop yanking on that thing or you’ll break it off!
#7:   Oh my God!  Anna just spit up in my mouth.
#6:   What is my (every imaginable missing item) doing in the toilet?
#5:   Hey! Macaroni in the mouth, not up the nose!
#4:   Doug, smell this. Is it water or pee?
#3:   Tyler, I already explained this to you. Nobody stole your sister’s junk.
#2:   What did I tell you? Keep gagging yourself like that and you’ll throw up all over the floor!
#1:   Wow! What a masterpiece! You made that all by yourself? Amazing…don’t forget to flush!