On the way out of the dentist’s office yesterday, Tyler spied a “restroom” sign on a door.

“What’s a restroom?” he inquired.

“It’s another word for bathroom,” I explained.

“But why do they call it a ‘restroom’?” he asked, then he added with a smirk, “Do the people in there sleep on the toilet?”

“Well, now, I guess that depends on what kind of night they had, wouldn’t it?”

As predicted, he looked perplexed.  Which is one of the rewards of being a parent.  When our children come to us to make sense out of a confusing world, we can use it as an opportunity to befuddle them even more.

“Daddy always tells me that the bathroom is a place of serious business,” he noted.

His daddy speaks the truth.  When Doug retires to the bathroom, he brings his laptop.  Some days he doesn’t come out until two hours later.

After the first year of this ritual, it concerned me—and so naturally, I searched the history of his laptop to uncover all the porn sites that were keeping him occupied.  Come to find out, he was catching up on his current events.  It’s the modern-day guy’s version of bringing a rolled up newspaper in with him to the throne.

I have read that the #1 American pastime while in the restroom these days is to update one’s Facebook status.  Runner-up pastimes include drinking coffee, smoking, taking private calls, and meditating.  I say this is taking multi-tasking to ridiculous new levels.

“It’s true—some people like to take are of business while they’re taking care of business,” I expounded.  “Then there are others who don’t like to spend their days staring at indoor plumbing.  There are some who go in to rest, I suppose.  But those are the people who don’t have alarms on their toilet seats.”  (I would not happen to be one of those people.  Every time I so much as look at a toilet seat, a child screams my name.)

Tyler listened thoughtfully for a moment.  Then he said decidedly, “I think I’d be a businessman like Daddy.  I want my own TV in the bathroom.  I’d want to play my X-box in there.  I want a refrigerator with all my snacks.  Let’s put my room in the bathroom!”

“What about sleep?” I challenged.  “Have you ever slept on a toilet?”

“No, but I’d like to,” he said.

“Why’s that?”

“Because then I could pee whenever I wanted.  And I’d never even have to get up!”

I always knew how hard it would be to watch my little boy morph into a man right before my eyes.  I just had no idea it would happen so soon.