3 three

Foiled again

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In an effort to get Eva to kick her chronic thumb-sucking habit, I decided to appeal to her sense of empathy.

As she sucked away at her right thumb, I took hold of her left. “Oh, Mr Thumb,” I wailed. “I’m so sorry you can’t see Mrs. Thumb. You see, Eva has her locked away in a dark and scary cave, otherwise known as her mouth. You’ll have to see her another day.”

The sucking continued, but with a worried look on her face.

“Don’t cry, Mr. Thumb,” I continued. “I know you’re lonely. Maybe someday Eva will let Mrs. Thumb out of the dark scary cave, and then she can see the sunlight. And then the two of you will laugh and play and live happily ever after!”

For a moment, she took her thumb out of her mouth and studied it. I breathed a little hallelujah. After a solid year of my anti thumb-sucking tactics, I thought she was finally listening.

Turns out, she was. Ever since, she’s been sucking both thumbs at the same time.

This entry was posted in 3 three.

Here was the scene–

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Today I walked into the bathroom and found Eva sitting on the toilet, legs swinging, peering through a roll of toilet paper.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“I’m looking through my telescope,” she said, gazing intently.

“Did you see anything exciting?”

“Nope,” she replied, “just a hole in my underpants!”

Really, is there anything in the entire freaking universe that’s better than kids?

Welcome to my brain…enter at your own risk.

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z360

Going through the pictures in my kids’ camera, my eyes fell upon this one, which was taken from the backseat of the minivan. Here is the series of thoughts that flashed in my mind all in a span of ten seconds. (Beware. My mind is a dark and confusing place.)

1. “Why is there a ‘Finding Nemo’ sign in the trees?”
2. “That sign is huge. Why didn’t I notice it while I was driving?”
3. “Looks like a billboard of some sort. But why would someone hang it on a tree?”
4. “That billboard is an eyesore. How did it get through Planning and Zoning?”
5. “Why a billboard, in the middle of nowhere? With no movie theater in sight for another ten miles?”
6. “Didn’t this movie come out, like, ten years ago? How is this relevant?”
7. “The sign is in focus, but everything else is a blur. That’s odd.”
8. Flipping through subsequent photos: “There’s more than one? All with a tattered top-right corner?”
9. Wait a minute. How can the same sign be hanging on three different trees?”
Long pause. The snap of a light bulb. Fog dissipates. Brainwaves spark.
10. “Alright, how long have I been driving around with a ‘Finding Nemo’ sticker on my window?”