After a lifetime of battling chocolate addiction, I have stumbled upon an instant cure. Simply chew on the chocolately remnants of your children’s Easter basket between diaper changes. Cravings will subside instantly. Treatment is available right from my home.

In Doug’s infinite ecological wisdom, he decided to recycle a bottle of Right Guard. Anna fished it out of the recycling and took a shower fresh bite.

Fast forward to 2024:

Anna:  “You are so uncool. Why can’t you be like (insert name of every friend she ever had)’s mom? I wish I was never born. I wish YOU were never born. I wish our entire lineage never existed!”

Me:  “Dude, you ate your dad’s deodorant.”

I win.