It makes me feel safer knowing clothing stores have closed down their dressing rooms. It’s well known that viruses tend to contain themselves in dressing areas rather than spreading throughout the store. It seems logical to board up the dressing rooms and allow customers to try the clothing on at home instead, especially since they’re given a mere 36 hours to marinate the merchandise in their coronas before bringing it back. Not to mention, I enjoy the challenge of guesstimating how an outfit will fit based on the way it appears on a hanger. When in doubt, spandex and lycra with a dash of corona are always safe choices.

Suddenly, “shop till you drop” takes on a whole new meaning.

Can a middle-aged woman pull off leopard print or snakeskin without resembling Peg Bundy?

…all this time, these things came with instructions.

Now, if they’d only explain how to lick a finger with a mask on, my grocery time would be cut in half.