As for you, sleepless children, you are fired.

I remember when my only job during Christmas Eve was to fall asleep in time for Santa to hit the Eastern time zone and stuff our living room with presents to my greedy heart’s content.

As 10:00 approaches and the kids are still in the midst of full-blown hyper-excited pillow-fighting mattress gymnastics, and a mound of black garbage bags stuffed with unwrapped presents lies in wait, I know only one thing for certain:  I want my old job back.