Things a man never wants to hear his mother say after he pours himself a cup of coffee on a Saturday morning

The tunes were humming, the kids were settled into their cartoons, and Doug had just poured himself a cup of coffee when my mother-in-law came over and interrupted one of my morning rituals.

“Why are you rubbing a teabag all over your face?” she inquired.

“It has a lot of antioxidants in it, and it makes the skin brighter,” I explained.  “Every morning after I drink my tea, instead of throwing out the bag, I smush it all over my face.  Sometimes I put cleanser on it and scrub with it.  It makes a great exfoliator.”

She looked skeptical and intrigued at the same time.  A few thoughtful seconds passed before her response.

“So what you’re saying is, I should wake up every morning and teabag myself?”

Morning tunes shattered by a mug hitting the floor, hot coffee splattering in all directions.

Revised:  Things a man never wants to hear his mother say.  Ever.