Today I received my first Christmas card, heard “The Little Drummer Boy” three times on the radio, and was wished “happy holidays” by a cashier. Who began the tradition of taking the fall—the best season of the year—and cutting it a month short? Didn’t we already have a white Halloween? You can all keep tressing your trees and singing your hallelujahs and sipping eggnog, but as for me, I’m still holding out for a decent remake of Halloween 2011. Trick or treat, dammit! And to my fellow procrastinators who haven’t yet purchased a single Christmas gift…unite!